Sissinghurst Memory

(the highly-recommended book that inspired the following fantasy)

“The impossible can always be broken down into possibilities.”–Unknown

-1-

Ariel was reading again. The stack of garden books beside his bed told him everything he needed to know. He pored over the pages of magical places–Giverny, Hidecote, Kew. The faraway traffic sounds of a busy August evening called to him through the window screen. The light was fading and it was getting increasingly difficult to see the full-colour illustrations. He hated turning on the bedside lamp because that spoiled the special quality of light and air that happened on perfect evenings like this.

He had been sorely depressed again that evening. The effects of two drinks in the preceding twenty-four hours. It was right what the experts said: alcohol was a depressant. At first, it made you feel good and deadened the pain of loss and loneliness. Then it wiped you out and left you feeling empty again. It became necessary to fill oneself up over and over again with various anodynes. He concluded that it would be easy under these conditions to become suicidal and alcoholic. But he would be all right if he could just get that book on Sissinghurst he had left on the end table in the family room.

After he had retrieved it, he crashed on the bed and the book fell open to a page–“The White Garden”. There were glorious white flowers growing everywhere outside a cottage. And the copy said that Vita had planned it so the flowers would light up the yard, even after dark, in such a way the family would be able to enjoy it after dinner–this lingering luminosity. He had seen this effect similarly before in ‘magic rings’–the ones sold to children at the folk festival that secreted and preserved the last rays of sun to glow later in the dark.

Ingenious. He smiled at the cleverness of creative imagination that could interact so with nature to produce heightened effects of sensuous pleasure.

It was difficult to say at what point he forgot what time it was, who he was, and what he had ever felt thoroughly rotten about. He kept turning the pages….

Landscape. Moat. Tower. Nuttery. Lime-walk. Dionysus. Orchard. This is my home, he thought. I belong here most….

-2-

They were taking breakfast together in the long library. Harold and Ariel. Reaching over to pluck a pear from the bowl on the table, Harold asked him how he had slept and what his plans were.

“I feel good this morning,” he said. “Is it all right if I walk about your place a bit?”

“That sounds splendid, old sport. Just watch for Vita, though. She was up early gadding about the Tower. I think she’s working on a new book–one about gardens. Something metaphorical I believe. All a mystery to me. Sure you won’t stay and have another piece of toast?”

“No, thank you. I have a hunger which has brought me to the mystery that is Sissinghurst. I must go where footsteps lead.”

“Up and down the garden path, I expect–see where it goes and all that.”

“Yes, voices.”

“Now come to think of it, I’ve heard them too,” he laughed. “Our boys’ mostly, climbing like vines or weeds, chasing birds, getting into things. At times here, place seems like a children’s lark,” he said, momentarily pensive, putting down his cup. “I used to loiter a lot when I was their age on the family properties. It always seemed like dawn when I was that young. I remember leaning over the edge of a pool and watching the goldfish taking their time, oblivious of me and the larger garden we were all in. We had a meadow, too–called it Fields of Praise. Very Wordsworthian. That’s the way the world is when you’re six and seven. Pagan spirits, sweetgum, green grass.”

“Yes, that is true. Everything shimmers with a first-timeness. The thrill of running water. Ponds. Bliss of cottage. Silver mist and children’s voices.” He paused a moment and looked at Ariel with the absent-mindedness of an old general. “I say, you’re new here. Don’t seem to recall seeing you before. What did you say your name was?”

-3-

Each of the overviews from the Tower was splendid and serene. “This was a ruins once,” a woman’s refined voice spoke from the corner of the room.

“I’m sorry,” said Ariel, “I didn’t see you. Afraid you caught me looking. You must be…”

“Vita,” she said and shook his hand. “Didn’t my old pouf of a husband tell you I’d be up here in the Tower working on my new book?”

“I was hoping to get a better look at Sissinghurst from up here.”

“Right you are. Whenever you need perspective, make tracks for the nearest tower. Yeats did. Why don’t you sit down? You look as ashen as Ginny did that time she came down here without her husband Leonard.”

Ariel sat down on the divan under a shelf of old books, Vita continued, “She fell asleep right where you’re sitting. Like a child she was,” she added dreamily, “a poor o’erwrought child. That man knew she needed watching. But he never realized that a man’s love is never quite enough. Ginny needed to be petted and coddled, fawned over. Tenderness. What she never got from her tyrant-father Leslie. Poor wreck of a man when his wife died, though, leaving him with all those children to look after.”

“No, what Ginny needed was protection from the elements, her stepbrother, too. Taken advantage of, she was, like me. Spoils you for so-called normal life, but ‘gad it feeds your art,” she laughed.

“When Ginny got to Sissinghurst, she positively budded. Life from ash, I told Leonard later. It was like this great spirit, an old soul had arisen from the ashes of her compressed London half-life. We dressed up like pre-Raphaelite goddesses and ran around the Bacchante statue at the end of Harold’s lime-walk. The old bugger found us rolling on the grass by the lake,” she said affectionately, stroking her hair. “It was never the same after that. The lake.”

“Come,” she said, grabbing Ariel’s arm and leading him to one of the Tower casements. “The White Garden in full Bloomsbury,” she proudly announced. His eyes roamed the beds and paths until he spotted a little statue.

“Another goddess?” he ventured, pointing.

“Put your hand down, dear. It ain’t polite to digit from the Tower. That is the Vestal Virgin. Ginny asked me the same question and I told her, ‘It’s you, love.’ I put it up for her visit. She cried when she saw me standing guard over the foxgloves and columbines. I took her next to the Priest’s House. Summer bedding, she called it. I say, do you have a light?” she asked with a proferred cigarette. Ariel found a match in his pocket.

“It was late summer. I had picked roses all that morning before she came up. She laughed about the bachelor button I left by the maidenhair. ‘Gawd,’ she cried, just like that. ‘We’re two rare plants, aren’t we?’”

At that point, Ariel inquired about her new book.

“It’s not poems or literature for a change. More like a treatise about the power of gardens to seduce and sustain. Sissinghurst was a lot of bloody hard work. It was a real balls-up when Harold and I first arrived. Took a lot of cleaning up and money, the restoration, you know.”

“But planting’s are vital. ‘Vital’, that’s what my mother always called me. She said, “Vita, you are vital to the many untended gardens of the world. Go first and find a garden to clear with that man of yours, Harold Whathisname. He’s got bold planting schemes. Then the next thing I know, I got baby’s breath and two sons. And that was how Sissinghurst became a family of gardens.”

“Which you had to write about and share with others.”

“Exactly. A little digging, a little scratching, and voila–moat walls! I mean Sissinghurst is hardly on ordinary soil. Its blue-blooded past was everywhere. Harold and I saw it as a necessary conservation project–a long-term growth plan for ourselves and others. Voltaire was incredibly right when he said we must go and work in the garden. The perfect re-creation for frightfully bored aristocrats like us. And the money from our writing helps maintain the place, too. We literally had to write ourselves and the garden into existence.”

Ariel said, “Labour, vision. The busy bees of Sissinghurst.”

“And hence, the new book which I doubt I’ll get finished. You know–that perfectly wonderful feeling that you could die at any minute, leaving all those unpicked weeds and unrealized blooms. In fact, I was just saying to Harold the other day, ‘We’ve only scratched the surface with this place. This is about as close to heaven as I would ever want to be.’”

“But it got me thinking about the genius of hardiness (and I’m not talking Thomas). I mean, we have eked out a vision here, a sublime arbour of tranquility with the prospect of permanence. You like apples?” she suddenly asked Ariel.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Here, catch. It’s from The Orchard.”

“Hmmmm, pretty good. Pendulous stuff.”

“‘Garden of Eden,’ I said to Harold. ‘Let’s call it The Orchard.’ I mean, all the metaphors are here you’d ever want. Temptation. Love. Roses. Roundness. Tulips.”

“Ever hear any voices?”

“Just that one day,” she smiled. “that day Ginny came.”

-4-

What intrigued him most about the most about The Nuttery wasn’t the nut walk or the hazel trees. It was the odd statue of a young god on a plinth. Ariel wondered about the manic embellishment Vita had once spotted from a bus in London’s Euston Road. She had to tell the driver to stop and let her and then she had brought the god and the lime-walk goddess back to life from dear, dead London.

Ariel speculated on the balanced symmetry of male and female elements, god and goddess, Vita and Harold, man-made and woman’s touch. He noticed an old man puttering in the shade of the copse. “I don’t suppose you couldn’t tell me anything about this statue, sir. Is there a story to it?’

“Why yes, mister,” the gardener replied, straightening up to wipe off his hands. “there is a lot to be said for gardens as you may know–their therapeutic value, their symbolic value…”

“Like?”

“Well, consider the issue of the true path. Is there one when you finally get to a garden as special as this? I mean, where exactly do you start or even end at Sissinghurst?”

“Good questions, I thought gardens were supposed to make you sage and philosophical about briars or the need for shelter. And, as you yourself get older, you acquired a wisdom about life’s mystery from nursery to winter.”

The gardener leaned on his hoe and asked, reflectively,”Like meditation? Prunings? Deeper ripples on the pond?”

“The layers of forget-me-knots.”

“The one thing we never completely lose,” the gardener said, “is consciousness. If ever you fell asleep, you could wake up in any garden you’d care to imagine.”

“And what if one wants to plant?”

“A personal choice, methinks, as it was for Harold and Vita, I’d say. Some people plant stone gardens, others rock gardens. In that case, we’re talking of people who’ve died back, lost their faith in the effects of colour and light, such key parts of our ephemeral lives.”

“Vita…” muttered Ariel.

The old man turned his head, not understanding. “What’s that?”

“Huh?”

“You called me Vita like you were somewheres else, mister. As I was just saying, some people’s idea of a garden is a bleak thing with feverfew, grey days, misery, uncertain steps, a perennial maze. They think life was meant to be this barren, sterile thing like that poem by that Eliot chap. They don’t realize that roots and plantings are all just an attitude, part of what some call the human condition. I mean, take a look-about. What do you see?”

Ariel looked down the path. “Solitude.”

“Do you feel hunger at all, as in for any particular kind of experience?’

“I need, I need…” started Ariel, “a garden of dreams. I need wisteria, new light, warmth.”

“And so you’ve come to Sissinghurst at what you believe to be the end of your season.”

“Yes.”

“Did it ever occur to you that there will be other seasons beyond the floating lillies and twilight sorrow? Here, come with me.”

They walked together down to the margin of the lake and stood silent several minutes before the old man spoke again. “Show me the bones,” he said simply.

“What?”

“Show me the end of things.”

Just then a swan swam into view by the reeds. “There,” answered Ariel.

“I don’t.” replied the old man. “I see nothing but calm and a gentle sleep. A faith in whiteness, monochrome, much like milady’s White Garden. Uh, what did you say your name was, mister?”

“Ariel.”

“Well then, why don’t you take to the air? You know you can anytime,” he winked.”You are a bird or spirit, after all, and this is evening.”

Ariel glanced at the old man. Like looking in a mirror of water. Old man, face and eyes.

“You can, you know, my boy. Go on. Vita’s watching, you know”

“Where?” said Ariel.

“Up in the Tower.”

-5-

And so, the final effects of air. As it was in the beginning. Bird, spirit, heights. An idea well beyond habit or impervious soil. Something about flowering and late blooms. And voices, yes voices. New light and wonder now. Summer mindscape’s immanence. A transcendent dream of garden.

…………………………………..

“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities–always see them, for they’re always there.” –Norman Vincent Peale

Some passing passions may turn out to be inspirational game-changers or turning points in one’s life. This fantasy, strongly based in historical facts, wrote itself in a long ago dark period.

Ariel was a persona who played a key role in a number of interesting writings from tha period. The Tempest context is also revisited here, complete with Ariel’s final release and the writer’s (and reader’s) understandings, acceptance, and transcendence with an empathic culmination of ‘moving forward’ beyond crisis, limits, and limitations.

As mentioned before, Harold Nicholson and Vita Sackville-West lived their passionate Sissinghurst dream and many others (not just Ariel and me) have been inspired or moved by that dream, notably Virginia Woolf (Ginny to Vita), who based her satirical Orlando on her relationship with Vita and the latter’s character.

Additional notes: Leonard Woolf was Virginia’s editor-co-publisher husband-protector, Leslie Stephen was Woolf’s father, T.S. Eliot is the author of the influential 20th century poem The Waste Land, and Bloomsbury was the cultural crowd centered around the Woolfs. (Over time, a number of the selection’s details have found echoes today with such ‘trendy’ topics as child abuse, sexual assault, and same-sex relationships.)

As for the story’s exposition and complicating incident, I think many of us, in various ways, find ourselves limited or trapped in immediate contexts or ruts, and have to fashion our own escapes and transcendences via our passions and whatever creative imagination we can muster. In any case, our passions loom large, supporting, sustaining, and inspiring us. And they may define ( e.g.,Ariel) who we most are and save us when we lose our ways. We also fashion our own freedoms as well as life-narratives. The final road to these two are revealed by our passions and attitudes in response to challenges.

One of the great lessons in life (illustrated in this selection) is how we can free ourselves from many limited, limiting contexts and “mind-forg’d manacles” (Blake, “London”) via the magic of art and powerful, self-actualizing/liberating imaginings.

“I’m an optimist. It doesn’t seem too much use being anything else.”–Winston Churchill

ps/ I eventually did become a gardener in the 2000s. Natural beauty such as that represented by Sissinghurst (or Monet’s Giverny) will always be one of my recurring central passions. Off to Victoria next Monday…

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Happiness is

taking time to read a good book together.

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The Two Women

“Men, who needs ’em?”–source unknown

The two women on this moonlit beach
Have only eyes for one another,
As I, excluded for my gender
Swim unseen in the foam.

The two women exchange fervid kisses
Twist their limbs in the sighing sands
As my craft drifts unattended
Past the shoreline out of reach.

The two women eye each other closely.
Their green glances intertwine with the white dunes.
Rhythms of waves lap mermaids’ breasts
As another man’s swept out to sea.

…………………………..

Another empathy poem and probably an attempt to write a modern take/passionate female configuration based on Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. Since the 1960s, our definitions of passion and relationships have opened up considerably, and this is merely one man’s ironic musings on this subject. (Written with some influence by the great Gustav Klimt.)

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Speaking of Chagall

(in response to the famous Chagall painting “Birthday”)

I brought you something
for your birthday, he said
hovering in air
head twisted to kiss her
as she walked away with his flowers.

How much do you love me?
she said coyly.

Why I’d bend over backwards
for you, he said.

Grounded, she accepted
his floating gesture,
her black eye wide with awe
to think of being loved that much.

…………………………………………

“Brevity is the soul of wit.”-William Shakespeare, Hamlet

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Allusive love

(a romantic erotic classic for 18 and up, male and female)

Yes it’s you and me again
walking through a
Brothers Grimm forest
destined one day
for urban renewal.
Snow’s thawed
ground’s dry & spring’s
the mischief in us.

We lie down for yet
another undress rehearsal
of Lady Chatterly in the woods
Winnipeg-style, 1968.
I play Mellors
my gardener gloves
tearing at your
spandex & lace.

You are Milady
seeking release from
a wicked stepmother
who cruises the perimeter
of this afternoon forest
in a black van
on the lookout for us
& any excuse to
disinherit you.

But wait–
there’s something moving
in the thicket.
It’s not big mother though,
just some spring-brown rabbits
watching, gawking
getting free lessons
from two paperback lovers
roughing it in the bush.

………………………………

Winner of a first place for humor in a provincial poetry contest.

Notes: “spring’s/the mischief in us”–Robert Frost’s “Mending Wall.

Mellors, a character in D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover, which changed my life in grade 12

Roughing It in the Bush–title of a book by Canadian writer Susanna Moodie.

My own passion for fun, play, performance, humor, allusion, satire, and word play. ‘Nuff said.

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Elephant Man

(for J. Merrick, 1862-90)

Wearing his Sunday best
the thing sits upright
on his bed beside
the open black dressing bag.
His smooth girl’s hand
gently strokes the razor
shoehorn & cigarette case–
the mirror long since removed.

Picking up a brush
he combs the wispy hairs
of his cauliflower head–
fancies himself a lover
in cool evening shadows.
From overgrown lips
come no spluttering noises–
only poetry & affectionate song.
(The lady in question
accepts his proposal.
They marry in a cardboard church
which Joseph has constructed.)

The reverie passes–
the thing sighs.
Lonelier than ever
he limps about his cell
gazing at the bric a brac
his noble friends have sent him.
Sitting by a casement
he looks to the sky
his child-like soul thirsting
for vistas, woods & lawns unseen:
birds, fish & flowers.

Then tired of pining
& out of time & hope
he lies down on the bed
‘like other people’
& closes his woeful eyes.
In his latest dream
he beholds asylums for the blind
& distant lighthouses
twinkling in the dark.

…………………………

One of several of my poems read on London, Ontario’s Sheila Martindale radio program Cabbages and Kings. My own passions in the ’80s were coalescing then with empathy and Keatsian “Negative capability” at the time this poem was composed.

John Merrick or Joseph Merrick (his birthname) suffered from the horribly disfiguring neurofibromatosis, a condition which left him with a strange mix of physical features. He did very much want to be a Victorian gentleman and was incredibly shy around women. He dreamed of romance and did, in fact, make cardboard churches. He was also visited by prominent Victorians who brought him gifts such as bric-a-brac. His final act, apparently, was to lie stretched out on the bed “like other people” (his words), something which caused major internal injury, killing him.

It is important for us to remember that the handicapped, like those more fortunate, also have dreams and passions which motivate and keep them going in incredibly challenging circumstances. If I was to boil down what might be the most basic or fundamental human factor or element, it would be dreams or passions, probably both.

…………………..

Picture above: Highly recommended history of Merrick.

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Afternoon nap

(of my son, 4)

Quiet footsteps
& people leaving rooms
talk in whispers–
curtains drawn slowly
across his falling lids
as colours fade to

black in Lawnmower Land
a place where he can
drive a large truck
inspecting garbage bins
unhindered by grown-ups
in a heaven of motors
vents & sewers–
all with my son
in charge

Weedeaters trim
his long eyelashes
as i sit far off
reading in another room
unable to stop
the demons of wheel-dreams
from rolling over
my little boy’s brain

……………………………………….

The more obvious passions of young boys usually begin with knocking something over or throwing something down. Call it a road to physical action or gaining some physical control over their immediate environment. There is, too, an interest in motion and mobility beginning with crawling and an interest in basic car or wheel toys. Sometimes, this passion manifests itself in a ride-’em’ toy (beyond the smaller push toys). Later, there might be an interest in machines attached to this passion, such as an interest in lawnmower men, construction workers, repair men, or garbage men, such as in the above selection.

Some early passions continue and become the basic dreams of a male lifetime, manifested by an interest in demolition derbies or monster truck shows. And, of course, some men want nothing more in life than to own a truck, the bigger the better, sometimes.

As applied to my son, this early passion was touched on in his lawn maintenance work early in his university years. But his more significant, lasting, mature, adult passions had more to do with reading, writing, online work, history, music, family, and community. So his case shows that passions do change and develop with age.

It is also important to remember that there are more passions than the wheel ones or princess ones for girls that are often pushed by toy companies or some parents. A trip to the average toy boxstore reveals toys that point in other, less conventional directions such as science, the arts, reading, and creation. The toy choices of parents are very important and can open wider, more interesting, unique futures than the limited/limiting stereotypes. (But never underestimate the will and changing interests of the young with regard to passions.)

That, all I said, I did recognize and still do recognize that some things are beyond a parent’s or (grandparent’s) control, and sometimes there is no harm in certain passions playing themselves out. As with so many other matters of individuality, separateness, autonomy, limits and limitations, one must learn again the value of acceptance relative to others’ lives.

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Edmonton City Council:

“Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!”
–Fitzhugh Mullen

(Looking forward to driving on smooth Victoria roads next week.)

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Of Passions

“To burn always with this hard, gem-like flame, to maintain this ecstasy, is success in life.” (Walter Pater)

(A passion for play)

Walter Pater’s quote asserts that actualizing and experiencing our spirit and passions are among the finest possibilities in and of human life. What is there that is most memorable and meaningful in a person’s life? Often it is that which engages and fully subsumes our consciousness, attention, and energies. It may be a pet project that we feel is unique and potentially interesting and valuable to others. It may be a simple open-hearted enthusiasm for beauty in nature. Or it may be a person with whom we feel some deep attraction and desire for.

There are always people, things, and experiences we gravitate towards, which move us and deeply interest or intrigue us. Natural curiosity can play a key role in this process, although if we have some idea who we are and what we really like, then the ruling passions tend to ‘play themselves out’ or naturally assert or unfold themselves in the course of daily living or over periods of time.

Passions also appear as driving forces when one is, as mythologist Joseph Campbell said, ‘following one’s bliss’. These passions might range from hobbies such as playing a musical instrument, to leisure activities such as supporting a local sports team, to life-long commitments such as extended charity work. Passions usually are very engaging, sometimes to the point of total distraction. But they embody meanings and purpose that are frequently best-known, understood, and appreciated by the people who espouse and live out and for those passions per se.

Who can define spirit or what ‘a spirit’ is? And yet, we know when that something vital and significant life force declines or goes missing as in the case of depression or serious illness. So, motivation for passion assumes a will and capacity to be directed by spirit to whatever pleasurable, engaging, or meaningful activities and ends. We are, each of us, defined by our passions, our spirits, and our various enthusiasms expressed in life. It is fair to say that our various ‘burnings’ and ‘ecstasies’ are keys to understanding our identities and who we really, individually, are. As famous French diarist Anais Nin put it, “The fiery moments of passionate experience are the moments of wholeness and totality of the personality.”

In a much larger sense, though too, Pater’s quote illuminates not just our own lives and those of who we have known and are familiar with. In Honore de Balzac’s words, “Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.” The actions and deep beliefs of multitudes, entire peoples, and countries have long depended on the energies and enthusiasms of the many living and dying on the basis of the driving spirit and passions. And so it is that what Pater speaks of is what has motivated not just individuals, but is reflected in the longer course of civilization and much of what is valuable about the life experience itself.

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Of Dreams and Relationships

“We are such stuff/As dreams are made on.”–William Shakespeare, The Tempest

We all live in and for dreams. When we are young, we dream of growing up and doing all kinds of wonderful things. As children, we dream of birthdays, Christmases, and special days like Halloween or Easter, and all the pleasant treats and gifts associated with such positive occasions. As Shakespeare suggested, we are pretty much hard-wired to dream and lead dream-like lives.

Think of the many who dream of the details of imagined weddings, marriages and families that signify perfect fulfillments of various imagined kinds of love. Think of the many who dream of physical accomplishments and doing heroic deeds to fulfill their talents and dreams of proving themselves or helping others. For, regardless of how brief dreams last or how disillusioned dreamers may become, they, more often than not, hold fast to a firm belief in dream`s potentials and possibilities.

“I dream, therefore I become.”–Cheryl Renee Grossman

“Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live
in dreams?”–Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “The Higher Pantheism’

In fact, we spend much of our lives in dreams whether asleep or awake. Dreams are what motivate, drive, and sustain us whether we are planning a special trip, choosing a home, or buying lottery tickets. Our dreams keep us going, hoping, and believing that our lives will someday acquire more meaning, purpose or fulfillment. Usually, too, they are far more interesting than what passes for often humdrum or limited/limiting reality.

It is not uncommon either for us to kid ourselves about how realistic and practical we are as we chase the given dream of the moment or day. But what is it that makes life worthwhile if not the possibilities of dream? Nowhere is that more obvious, perhaps, except in relationships. Seen a certain way, relationships are nothing more than mutual/ly/shared dreams, values, and interests.

Imagine two separate people who share an interest in a long list of things: dogs, walking in nature, travel to interesting places, books and reading, music and painting, writing and creativity, good food and conversation, and certain attitudes toward life and its possibilities. Is it not likely that what they may need, miss, want, or potentially benefit from is nothing more than the dream of living and loving the same way with someone else?

In such cases where there is mutuality and sharing of dreams in the form of a couple or a relationship, there is great potential to satisfy, perhaps, the deepest needs of mind, heart, soul, as well as the physical. Indeed, when dreams mesh and are actualized or realized, it can be said that dreams really can and do sometimes come true. Certainly, those relationships, which were once based on mutual and shared dreams of the life and the world, often come to an end when those dreams no longer overlap or `breathe` in any tangible, proven way.

Dreams, then, nibble deeply away at and inform our lives in the proof of living. At their best, we may be lucky to live in them and reality simultaneously. And perhaps some of the most fascinating experiences are those delightful, magical ones in which we cannot clearly separate one from the other.

“I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.”–Chuang Tse

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