To thine own self be true

the only constant is change, flux. A fact bemoaned, for instance, by Tennyson in “Ulysses”, “The Lotus Eaters” and “Locksley Hall”. One is not the same person five seconds after whatever thought or awareness of self.

Process, then, turns out to be the most basic or fundamental fact or truth about human experience, perhaps nowhere more obvious when memory collides with present reality. My high-school friend Wayne in my hometown was back for a visit there and drove past where the old school was–a somewhat fearful/joyous structure that once seemed so real and permanent as he and I passed through there in three years.

Now it’s a hole in the ground and Wayne drove past, thinking he will never return. The kind of thought that prompted me to go to the 50th and final reunion–the year the school closed. Life is very much ‘pay close attention’, ‘keep your ears pricked for that which matters or signifies’ and ‘go back if and when you can’ or when the opportunity is there. Because it won’t be there the next day; only gone forever, like all your past.
There is something to what Viktor Frankl said about living events, and then they go into irrevocable storage. Well, at least as long as an individual memory and consciousness continue to flow.

“Carpe diem”–definitely. Don’t miss the Call. Absolutely. Don’t miss living the present one-time moment. Yup.

May you have many such.

–W.H. Auden

And he had found that the truth came when he opened himself up like a book to another. That there were no secrets between them, that all was open, honest, and–finally– trusting. One had simply to trust and let go (of ego and the guarded self). It was that simple.

So that with imagination, empathy, and caring, the miracle of closeness and intimacy could take place without holding back, without fear. Molly Bloom’s “yes” at the end of James Joyce’s Ulysses. And that the largest freedom and fulfilment of all occurred naturally when two became one, two souls ‘umbilically’ connected, and one felt both spirits entering and in one another.

A conjuncture of souls. And the freedom that resulted was completely different from basic autonomy and the freedom and strengths of one.

“I dwell in possibility” (Dickinson)–and it was a possibility that could not be perceived, understood, accepted, and appreciated until that conjuncture, when that glorious union took place. Ah, the freedom of two as one, the freedom experienced when really, fully set free in and by another–a rich harmonized freedom and depth experienced and lived by two simultaneously, living and loving in and for one another.

In that, the truth and beauty of letting go and Molly Bloom’s “yes”–the best of what love and relationships can be. A true completion of self and a beautiful wisdom of soul.

…………………………………..

If there was one thing, one truth and bit of wisdom I would offer someone else about love, the above would be it. “One” is ok and necessary–it’s pretty basic to whatever personal survival and success–but the possibility I’ve described is definitely far more meaningful, significant, beautiful, true and satisfying than the best of whatever “one” has to offer.

“When threatened by fear and desire, let ego go.”--Joseph Campbell

“As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think.”–Joseph Campbell

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” “The goal of the journey is to discover yourself as consciousness.”--Joseph Campbell

The comet lit up the sky for weeks and months, changing the lives of many. A very intense bright light from somewhere else. In many ways it was the dead greats who could have told you more about it, why and how it moved the way it did. The lovers too, who lived in and for one another. They knew something about the heat and light it gave off in cold winter sky where all was otherwise frost and frigidness.

The comet glowed and was most itself beyond language, beyond time, beyond music, beyond convention, beyond mere limits and limitations of all kinds. It was free and shone like a bright spirit ablaze, filling, nay flooding a room with its veritable light and love-giving radiance.

In the end, all one could say for sure was that it was very large and unlike anything one had ever known or been remotely close to before.

And so it blazed that January on many heads-down days while others worked and chased money and forgot their own vital incandescences. Finally, it was just a brilliant reminder of what might be possible if one broke free or chose a life in stars or dream. This comet, this great glowing spirit which simply was what it was, and nothing else.

1956–Elvis gyrates on Ed Sullivan’s tv show (and is shown only from the waist up)–This opened up the world of music for me, rock and roll, in particular. From that point on, I wanted to be a singer-musician and began to collect records and listen to the top 40 on AM radio. Elvis was also a rebel and the first ‘cool’ person I was ever aware of. My nonconformist-rebel phase starts somewhere here. (For an interesting twist on Elvis’s influence, research his influence on the late great Phil Ochs.)

1962–the Cuban missile crisis. I have written about this one earlier on my blog. If not for JFK, none of us–I repeat–none of us on the planet might still be here today. He managed an impossible situation to avert potential all-out world war.

1963–JFK is assassinated. Which is why his death, in retrospect, seems so tragic and meaningless. The most important assassination in history other than the murder of Jesus Christ perhaps. The beginning of an awareness of corruption and evil and the start of conspiracy theories in modern times as in Oliver Stone’s JFK movie. The murders of King and Bobby–two other bright American lights– were soon to follow. School and work got cancelled in North America for many. The first major tragedy televised for days nonstop. The only game-changer to rival this event would happen 48 years later and, again in the U.S.

1969–Neil Armstrong is the first man on the moon. Earth was no longer isolated and disconnected from the universe. Science was capable of great things. This event got a bigger rush than John Glenn’s first U.S. space flight in that Glenn ‘only’ flew around the Earth and stayed up for a while–slipping the surly bonds of earth. The amazing thing about the Armstrong event was watching it happen on tv, and then going outside on Xmas holidays to look at the moon to see if we could see him ‘up there’. Just a major change in consciousness and a step forward in civilization’s (not just man’s) reach and possibilities.

1981–PCs are introduced by IBM. Bit of a delay effect on this one for me, but eventually I gave up ye olde electric typewriter for a word processor and starting writing ‘files’ for my publishers. This blog is some kind of final testament of how far the e-media and e-technology has changed my life and communication possibilities. PCs led to the Internet’s development and the current Information Age.

2001– 9/11 and the terrorist attacks on the U.S. Technology used by evil forces against the innocent and good. security and travel would never be the same again as we entered a more stringently patrolled world which we  see reflected by cameras on roads, in malls, schools, arenas, airports, et al. Orwell’s age of ‘Big Brother is watching you’ arrived with a vengeance and nothing would be private or safe anymore.

“The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.” “Our job is to straighten out our own lives.” “When everything is lost and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.”--Joseph Campbell

(April 2007)

After my mother died, I experienced the reflectiveness of orphanhood and jotted down some bearings which I rerecord here.

What about “me”? (in no particular order)

-How much longer will I live? How and when will I die?
-How long and how much do I want to continue to work? At what point, is work interfering with more important things?
-What things need doing? should be done while there is time and personal energy?
-Travel–where and while able
-What are the `missing pieces`, the unfulfilled dreams?

……………………………………………..

What Are People Most Afraid Of? (in no particular order)

-cancer, serious painful illness
-death
-lack of money to survive
-losing their worlds
-aloneness, loneliness, isolation
-not being or never having been loved
………………………………………..

What Is the Crap of the World?

-greed
-gossip
-toxic people                                                                                                                       -lies, dishonesty with self and others, personal and social hypocrisy
-lack of common sense, stupidity and choosing these
-pursuit of sex and money above all else
-games: manipulation and control of others: treating others like shit
-selling of everything, advertising everywhere, exploitation of others for profit
-material acquisition per se, `show`
-betrayal
-thinking one is better and superior to all others (EGO)–privileged, entitled
-inability to listen to others–total selfishness; I am IT, there is no one else
-overindulgence and intemperance–junk food, smoking, drinking, drugs
-bureaucracy, red tape
-politics

What Is Good?

-family, friends: their support, protection, nurturing
-people who listen and help others
-good luck and good timing (never discount these)
-nature, natural beauty–birds, animals, pets, landscapes
-excellence in choices and one`s skills or talents
-those things that work, that one can rely on
-fulfilling work and its distractions–how it satisfies self
-having something one is really looking forward to
-love and its distracting involvements and healing powers
-good food, air, sleep, health
-larger spiritual matters–deep inner nourishment of the soul
-literature, music, the arts
-the ability to distract and entertain someone else

“We are not there until we can say ‘yea’ to it all.”–Joseph Campbell

You know the end may be coming when:

1) your mobility drops to nil and you are confined to a bed.

2) you lose your sense of humor and find nothing funny anymore–being unable to laugh.

3) when you stop eating and drinking.

4) Needless to say, these are all important things to be aware of when one is very ill. But sometimes when the above road signs have been passed, the body just seeks significant rest or relief from unrelieved pain, and death becomes the natural end.
I have seen both my parents immediately after they passed, relieved of pain and suffering and nonstop decline, at peace. A true peace which passeth understanding. It is very hard to begrudge death, resist though we may try. The way of all flesh.
And we know that, by the very nature of process, that “end is right” even when one does not “go gentle into that good night” (Dylan Thomas).
………………………….

A piece about the often accompanying diminishment process, something I have witnessed a number of times…

Downsize
One by one the leaves fall from September trees as “Claire de Lune” plays on piano. It is like this with all and sundry. Gradually worlds you knew and once lived in vanish suddenly or gradually, one day at a time, from moment to passing moment.

Diminishment. you are downsized steadily–your world, how far you can travel, the people that know and remember you. Previous lives.

All the glorious plans and dreams shrunk or forgotten. Withered in fact.

And so a shorter day becomes what you can make of it, how much you can fill it up with spontaneous, useless pleasures. So that when evening comes and sunset, the melancholy feeling of emptiness is minimal and minimized.

What were you? Who are you? Scarcely known or understood, let alone appreciated.

Limited with limitations. And to think you once dared to assume or presume.

Obituary pages. Passing friends and family–all with their own lives and private struggles. Countdown. Finally maybe, just and only you.

The way of all flesh. incomplete, isolated, alone. An ember left of the glowing coal. A cipher. Ashes.

A sigh. Gone.

…………………………….

“We can’t rid the world of sorrow, but we can choose to live in joy.”–Joseph Campbell

from the ’90s and before would know and recall the way things used to be at some kind of peak of Western culture and civilization. Know and remember what beauty and true culture are and where/how they can be retrieved.

Sad. Our present society catering to the lowest common denominator as law and order get lost in political correctness and young people are turned over to a society which panders to the lowest common denominator, what Faulkner identified as ‘of the glands’ and to what has been called the society of rights and entitlement.

A telling moment for me last year was a construction worker in his late 20s who came to the door in response to an online sale ad–he wanted three books by James Joyce. Imagine that! They were like manna as he turned them over lovingly, respectfully, in his hands. He had sought out something precious–true culture, something elevating, soulful, and civilized. This man is a definite rareity in our society today.
He came to know some of the best that was once known and thought in the world today.

Pity the young folk of today who believe all you need is a smartphone or tablet to ‘open up/gain the world’. Arnold’s “The best that is known and thought”–would the poor blighters even have a clue of what they were missing or why Culture, civilization, soul and beauty are all worth having and aspiring to?

“Genuine poetry is conceived and composed in the soul.”–Essays in Criticism, 2nd series
………………………………………..

I would have to concur wholeheartedly.The best of whatever I have said or written.

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”

(Illusion, dream, and idealism are generally very satisfying, compared with mundane forms of reality.)

“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young.”

(Pleasure is pretty basic and necessary.)

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

(Absolutely. Most folks choose not to see the stars.)

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”

“I can resist anything except temptation.”

(Wilde’s downfall, unfortunately.)

“Be yourself; everybody else is already taken.”

(Why copy someone else, wear their clothes, act and talk like them?)

“Experience is merely the name men give to their mistakes.”

(Lots of mistakes =lots of experience.)

“Irony is wasted on the stupid.”

(Shakespeare’s “Caviare to the general”.)

“Create yourself. Be yourself, your poem.”

(The ultimate creative act in life.)

“Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

(Why would you bother?)

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

(Limited minds=self-imposed limitations and limited lives. We do it to ourselves.)

“I put my talent into my works; I put my genius into my life.”

(Why choose any differently?)

“Perhaps one never seems so much at one’s ease as when one has to play a part.”

(Roles tend to be familiar, comfortable. Even Stoppard’s Rosencrantz & Guildenstern would agree.)

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”

(as in Hamlet–“O cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right”)

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

(Float, sleepwalk, like Meursault in Camus’s “L’Etranger”)

“I wrote when I did not know life; now that I do know the meaning of life, I have no need to write. Life cannot be written, life can only be lived.”

(Why write when one knows how to live and especially when time is getting short?)

“The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.”

(news item today: Lady Gaga stops wearing machine-gun bra on tour.)

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”

There are a lot of problems out there, many in the lives of people we know and may be closely connected to. We do our best in responding to those needs and concerns, often saddened or shocked by what others go through or put others through unnecessarily.
But time goes by as we get swept up by our work and the demands of the day. We try to hang onto our dreams and plans whatever they might be, on the side. Sometimes it is just a matter of periodic escape or getaway to remember who we are, were, and wanted to be and do.

Well, what about self and the passing, inevitably, of one’s life? Sometimes we throw in our fortunes with someone else, only to find that this, too, can fall a victim of the vines of change (Phil Ochs, “Changes’). All is in flux–today more than ever.

What does one actually feel inside about anything so fast-moving, social-media-bound, and transitory? New life–as in babies and young children–gives us some glimpses of what is or at least once was for us. Starting out as something resembling Wordsworth’s child in “Ode: Intimations on Immortality”, what Joni Mitchell in “Both Sides, Now” described as “So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.’

To come to understand not just process, sooner or later, but also the process of one’s own life–a certain self-development often opening up in mid-life or retirement.
All the questions:”Who am I?” “What most needs doing?” “What do I still want to do?” “What is missing from my life?” “What freedoms are available to me?” “What is my meaning and purpose?”

Sometimes, however, it may be enough to find what gives one delight, pleasure and engagement to begin with and build outward from that.

I think, though, that the freedom and dreams are realized individually and with someone one else/others. And that one ultimately needs to be open to both possibilities. And I would venture to say that a lot of focus is required to put others and what is external to ourselves–which we often cannot control or even influence, into perspective. And to remember that our main obligation is to ourself in order to keep ourselves healthy, sane, intact, true to ourselves–this all for ourselves and others.

After all, there are many choices each day. Which ones are productive, positive, enhancing either to self or others? Life’s complexities quickly rush in as one starts another day.

I find, though, that in the long run, death is often the main event which puts all and everything into perspective and, being still alive, one is quickly reawakened to oneself and whatever remaining possibilities within one’s own life and choices. In that, the Existentialists were very correct, that the fact of mortality creates a huge unavoidable responsibility to self–biologically, emotionally, spiritually and so forth.

So there you are today, lost in the myriad buzz of others and the conflicted world’ out there’. When all the time, there is that ebbing inner self and consciousness and presence which will one day be no more. Don’t get me wrong. It is good to do for others, but finally it is necessary to do for oneself, to eke out some kind of meaningful, purposeful, satisfying, fuflilling life “under the ribs of death.” (Milton)