To thine own self be true

(presence via live person-to-person presences)

(presence via being in the presence of art or history; viewing Emily Carr’s paintings close-up)

(presence via meeting great people and artifact mementos of the experience)

(visiting Robert Frost’s Farm in Derry, N.H. twice in the 1990s; presence via place, space, and motion–walking where he walked, seeing places and artifacts of his life)

……………………………………………………….

Talking with an old friend last evening about his recent trip to England. He spoke passionately about seeing van Gogh’s “Sunflowers”, the actual shoes of Austen, and so forth, clearly enlivened and rejuvenated with purpose and meaning, and looking forward to another trip there in November.

And I remarked how Presence was not just him and me talking together over sup in person, or anytime someone is face-to-face with someone and has a strong sense of the other’s presence. Presence is also making that long trip to England and standing in the galleries, museums and tourist stops, bringing one as close as it gets to the famous dead, often only a few feet away. So, in that sense, one can experience the presence, albeit second-hand, of the past and greatness still. One’s senses open up as one contemplates and receives messages and presence from the past, making subjective connections in consciousness, in heart, and in soul or spirit. Thus, such is amazingly possible, transcending time differences of centuries and space differences (i.e., far away, elsewhere on the planet).

But the essence of the experience and connection is one made through ‘being there’, being that close, vis-à-vis. This registers deeply and resonates through one and becomes an often lingering and last part of one’s life. Tennyson’s “Ulysses”‘s point about experience accumulating in man (and woman).

We carry these important resonating memories, experiences, and connections inside us; they enlarge us (“I am large; I contain multitudes”–Whitman). We are visibly and internally changed by all we have connected with–other presences via presence.

I knew someone who once said “Everything is now. The past is dead, gone, irrelevant.” I argued, unsuccessfully, that the past rolls on with us every day, every moment/day in all places in our thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations, etc. Pretty obvious, I thought. As much as how we remember people and times from the past with ease, these often intrude and distract us from whatever nows or present.

Anyway, yes, presence and deep connection remain the best of possibilities. But they mean absolutely nothing without significant unrushed interaction, open engagement, reflectiveness, acceptance, and appreciation. My friend was a total contrast to most of the tourists who slammed past “Sunflowers” taking pictures of it with their phones, as if technology could ever hope to represent or ‘capture’ the unique experience of a viewer apprehending that great work of art and letting it ‘happen to him or her’, responding fully with mind, senses, and yes, soul. People are too much in a hurry, by and large, and have no real time or interest for giving the greats and the great their fair due, allowing both to resonate and rejig their little limited techno world-views.

Context–which I’ve talked of, extensively in this blog–is so important–paying close attention to it, realizing how much it can affect and even enlighten and improve one (pure heresy in educational circles these daze who’ve sold out to e-/d-technology heart and soul).

Come funeral time, the mourners remember and recall their own experiences and connections with the loved one. Inevitably, these are moments of presence recalled. And often there are limits to how much and how well we know of the sorts of layers built by experience, travel, and the arts I’ve been talking about in a dearly departed. But the dead person’s consciousness knew and remembered these largely subjective moments, connections, and insights. And that is the most important thing about a life fully and well-lived. That there was some consciousness at various times to experience, reflect on, and (even better) to express (through writing, talk, the arts, etc.) what those thoughts, feelings, and meanings were to others who may be listening, reading, or viewing.

Context. Presence. Significant connection. Consciousness, Sharing and Expressions of whatever Consciousness, and Keatsian Truth, Beauty, and Goodness.

Yeah, that’s got him about right. I hope they show him having mock politically-correct boxing fights with women or First Nations MPs and slugging unsuspecting women MPs in the boobs while bullying others wearing his Cap’n Sunny Ways cape.

Fri., May 20, 1938

“I feel extremely little. And don’t want to rouse feeling. What I’m afraid of is the taunt charm and emptiness. The book I wrote with such violent feeling to relieve the immense pressure [the nonfictional Three Guineas] will not dimple the surface. That is my fear. Also I’m uneasy at taking this role in the public eye–afraid of autobiography in public. But the fears are entirely outbalanced (this is honest) by the immense relief and peace I have gained and enjoy this moment. Now I am quit of all that poison and excitement. Nor is that all. For having spat it out, my mind is made up. I need never recur or repeat. I am an outsider. I can take my way: experiment with my own imagination in my own way. The pack may howl, but it shall never catch me. And even if the pack–reviewers, friends, enemies–pays no attention or sneers, still I’m free. This is the actual result of that spiritual conversion (I can’t bother to get the right words) in the autumn of 1933 or 4–when I rushed through London buying, I remember, a great magnifying glass, from sheer ecstasy, near Blackfriars: when I gave the man who played the harp half a crown for talking to me about his life in the tube station.”

Drafted into washing dishes (child labor), plunging my hands into the warm soapy water. Picking up a sharp grotty knife deeply cutting my finger (my mother’s anger later). Blood and soap bubbles mixed together. Having the wound wrapped and being reassigned elsewhere for duty. (I remember then learning the distinction between handling  the sharp and dull side of knives.)

Later, going outside and running across the busy wide, divided road back and forth, stopping cars, ‘going down to the edge’ over and over for the first time in my only-child life.

And a few glorious. magical times, riding with the jolly McGavin’s breadman (who looked like a congenial Jack Carson) in his delivery truck to Kirkfiield Park. Later running across Portage through steady traffic back to the luncheonette again later.

(A message to the young and starting-outs)

Well, it’s very ironic and ambiguous throughout and often absurd. You’ll find people often playing roles rather than being honest. You’ll find myriad control and agenda situations and people. On a bad day, there’ll be complete strangers trying to take you out or swindle you. On a good day, there’ll be much to smile and laugh about, including at yourself.

You’ll find there are numerous conflicts (often unexpected) all the way and that your life may get too materialistic and over-technologized unnecessarily. You’ll find too often that you too easily surrender your autonomy and freedom to others.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have a good family and upbringing and be mostly free without others telling you what to do, feel, and think. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to be more connected with Nature than with people who could care less whether you live or die.
Other days will be overly-long and hard to get through. Often you’ll focus just on surviving or staying in control of your life.

There is much more to life than money, making money, materialism, nice houses, nice cars every year–all the material ‘stuff’.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have common sense, good working values, stay focused, and be a decent, responsible person.

If you’re lucky, you’ll get more than enough play, pleasure, and your just deserts.

If you are lucky, you’ll find love or someone who lasts. Change, communication breakdown, betrayal, lack of trust, unreconcilable differences, and agendas are the great obstacles and setbacks in personal relationships.

If you’re lucky you’ll keep your Inner Child and soul intact into your adult years, and enjoy Nature in its many positive, beautiful, and educational manifestations.
And lastly, it’s always important what’s important and purposeful, and how to spend one’s truly limited time here positively and productively exploring one’s own and the many possibilities, to gain inner satisfaction and fulfillment as well as potential, relative happiness.

Above all, life is possibilities and about possibilities. Less is more, finally. Enjoy and appreciate as much as possible. Did I mention the role of luck? Oh, and keep your sense of humor…as long as you can.

Keep it simple.

Got an anthill? Don’t use toxins. Birds, pets, kids, et al are vulnerable.
Just boil a kettle and carefully carry it outside and pour over entire area. They will be gone within an hour.

Trying to prevent them? In the spring and through the summer (if necessary), use two spray bottles, one filled with lemon juice, the other with vinegar. Ants like neither. Alternate applying these every two weeks initially. If there’s a problem area such as a patio, spray against sides of patio and any edges or holes where they be hiding. Has worked well for me the past 3-4 years.

In an hurried manner he immediately began an enquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began–
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

The court is pussyfooting and refusing to call a spade a spade. Typical of courts these daze.
Child abuse: fact.
Totally controlling parent choices and will were very much at play throughout the child’s decline and death.
The father still refuses to admit error. He and his wife aren’t martyrs.
The child was abused, pure and simple. The child did not deserve to die and did not need to die.
Responsible and truly caring parents would have allowed common sense and proper medical attention to supercede their narrow preconceptions, prejudice, and agendas.
ps/The mother’s house arrest should have been longer.

Yet another reason for my call for parent licensing before birth. Too many crazies, ignorant people, power and control-abusers of helpless innocent children. If the NDP wants to do something for pre-schoolers, that would the most positive move they could make. Who, in their right mind, would have a problem with that education and prevention of harm to vulnerable minds? We have now reached the stage where such a social and political move is necessary.

Scotland will likely leave UK.
Quebec will reconsider leaving Canada.
No question.
The dominos of daily change continue.
Stability and permanence are hard/impossible to find these days.
As I’ve said earlier in this blog, the only constant the past two years is change.
So one should look to oneself and one’s family for focus and stability, and follow one’s own bliss.
I think you can safely conclude that the global village experiment and obsession with technology as a peaceful world-saver has started to fail.
The world is moving back the other way on the continuum toward borders and nationalism in this new age of global fear/s.

More than ever before, anything not bolted down will be gone overnight.

Why be a goddamned fake to curry favor with indifferent or hostile others who could care less whether you live or die or just to make money?