To thine own self be true

We are all held together
by wires or Wi-Fi.
The props that hold us up
can only be glimpsed
in a certain slant of light.
We are really coming apart
all the time, even as we laugh
and profess a strength.

Lame the underpinnings
of our all-so gossamer texts.
We droop our fatigues
against a greater mystery,
our pains and plans mere habits
of exclusiveness.
We turn ourselves inside-out
for others to see how
we might glow in the dark:
blue shadows on evening snow.

When winter came that year,
we could almost imagine
another breathing,
some vague restoration.
There were, though, those among us
who reported seeing streaks of light
or perhaps a radiance
behind all these fronts.

I have never wasted entire days of my life waiting and planning feverishly for this annual mindless, gratuitously materialistic obsessive binge.

For me, Boxing Day is always a laid-back, clean-up day after the annual family Christmas party-blowout for 18-21 people. A chance for some quiet reflective time about Xmas before a saner, less hectic follow-up dinner with immediate family. My son’s family get to open their presents from us today and there are games and crosswords spread out in the dining room. (We, my daughter and her significant other open our presents on Xmas morn and then have a power lunch before the afternoon clean-up, preceding the extended-family company. A true Davies Team Production in which I don’t have to carve (!) and can focus more on entertaining the four pre-school kids.

Yeah, two of the best days of the year, followed by two more–New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day immediate-family get-togethers. Works! Tradition. Great fun stuff.

It was light outside this time when we got to Ganma and Ganpa’s. Grana had a camera as I walked with giraffe in my arms to him. Mama carried the dog in her Santa dress. Inside the big tree was still there with lights on, but there were no other people, just Ganma and Ganpa.

We went to the other room again and I saw puzzles on the floor and started to play with them. The deer were still moving outside but didn’t look as cold. The dog lay on the floor by herself and was eating a rope toy. We started to taking things out of some big stockings. I got a remote like the tv one at home except it looked like a train and made sounds like a phone. I was pretty busy some of the time throwing the rubber puzzle pieces into the hall like I do at home.

Then we moved into the room with the big tree and opened some more presents. There were some books about hugs and cars–which made noise. I got a colored phone which had a stick to play the ‘phone. I liked putting bows and tags on my head. I had more fun with a blue box which I put over my head and sat there in the middle of the room as the dog came to see me under the box to kiss me. She got tired though and lay down in her funny dress on a bench. I lay on the floor too sometimes, face down on my giraffe.

There was lots to do. I picked up paper and tore it into small bits and then put it in a row on a big box to keep me in the room. Some I dropped over the box. Later Granpa and me went to pick up the paper to put in a garbage which had a moving top. When we moved the top, we could put the garbage in. It was like a swing.

The food was good again. There was ham and sauce I could dip the ham in. I used my fingers for that. I said “Cheers” when Ganpa clinked my cup. He had my dog on his lap. The big people popped something they called crackers, but they didn’t look like crackers to me. I played with the dog and bird piano again. It still worked as did the dog with floppy ears who sang a wild song.

It was a good day again at Ganma and Ganpa’s. When we left, someone put the dog in a big box for a joke. I stood in a boxlid. It felt nice. As Mama and Dada got ready to go, I pushed a big box round and round different rooms with my giraffe on top. Ganpa helped me go over the bumps. I sure liked that.

I waved Bye again by the cold door waiting to go outside to the car. I sure had fun my first Christmas.
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Another piece about consciousness and its early beginnings relative to a special time of year. My grandson also kept walking into the ‘Tree Room’ and looking up at the tree as different-colored lights blinked on and off or ornaments moved. His favorite effect were ye olde bubble lights with the yellow fluid. “Bubbles” he said pretty clearly. There was definitely awe and wonder in many of his responses to what was going on. He also had his share of quiet moments in which I could sit him on my knee or hold him to point out different things. He is quite mimetic with words at this point, and occasionally launches into his own babble syntax to narrate his take on some things like the snowy candle town on an end table, punctuating his description with familiar words like “house’ and “tree” or “quack-quack” for the sound that penguins make!

(Christmas Day)

The car stopped in front of Ganma and Ganpa’s house. It was dark. Dada lifted me out of the car chair and set me on the snow. I walked to the house which had many lights on.

Ganpa opened the door to let us in. Inside there was noise and people. He and Mama took off my boots, coat and hat. From the door, I could see a big tree with many lights on it. There were strings of candy canes and a star up, up on top. There were presents under the tree and many colors. Ganpa held my hand and walked me around the tree. He showed me another little tree that kept changing colors and a snowman who did the same. It was dark in the room, but then we walked into the light where I saw Ganma and other people standing.

We went to a big table which had food and bottles on it and there was a choo-choo going. It kept going round and round on the table. Ganpa put me on his lap and I could see a small town of houses and people smiling who did not move. He let me turn a dial which made the choo-choo stop, slow down, go faster or go backwards! It was a cool train! He and me put cases and small people on and off on one car, then made the choo-choo go again. When it stopped, I said “Again”.

Then he was carrying me down some steps toward some lights in another room. He showed me a big window and two deer with lights moving in the snow outside. I said “Brrr” because I know it’s not warm outside. We looked at a fire on tv, and I said “Hot, no touch” like Mama told me. There were boats on pictures, snowmen, a big star, and Santas too. On the floor were some puzzles which I started to play with, pushing out the pieces through holes. Then, I started to put them back where they belonged.

Later Gandpa showed me the fridge and there was a big picture there which looked like crayons. He said I did it. I saw a picture of Ganma and went to the chair where Ganma sat to say “Ganma” and point to her in the picture. When I wanted to play with her and pulled on her leg when she was standing in the kitchen, she said she was busy and didn’t come with me.

There were lots of snacks on the table and I helped myself to some, taking them back to Mama in the big tree room. I didn’t have too much supper, but drank from a bottle of water. (No cup.) It was fun. After, Ganpa showed me white dogs and yellow birds that moved and played music. I liked the dog who played piano and Ganpa and I danced on the floor to the song. He also showed me how to pick up icicles from the rug to put back on the tree.

I had a lot of fun and opened up a few presents. There was a truck I put balls into which flew out another hole in the truck as it went. It was a good day. I said “Bye” to everybody and waved when Dada and Mama put my clothes on to go out into the Brr, cold again and the car.

“Looking through my bedroom window, out into the moonlight and the unending smoke-coloured snow, I could see the lights in the windows of all the other houses on our hill and hear the music rising from them up the long, steadily falling night. I turned the gas down, I got into bed. I said some words to the close and holy darkness, and then I slept.”
–Dylan Thomas, conclusion of “A Child’s Christmas in Wales”

it is important that you retain your own common sense and powers of crap-detecting to maintain an accurate focus on Truth objectively and physical/tangible living/lived Reality. With the awesome webwork of lies provided by politicians, government, agenda-groups, media, and advertising, you’re better off trusting empirical evidence and the rightness of your own hunches and intuition to guide you through this absurd, hypocritical, dishonest, untrustworthy era of post-truths.

More than ever, your words and language will reveal to others if you are just a conforming, mindless follower of the artificial, fake, online, political, or media worlds. More and more, you will be judged mainly by your words and their content–how deep, truthful, and realistically relevant they really are. It is the fakes, liars, and phonies who garner adulation and followers these daze. *More than ever, it is important to remain an individual and to represent yourself as such through words, diction, and language use.

It allows you to enjoy, understand, connect to, and appreciate all the Great Truths and Beauty of the world.
Which is as important a feat, power, and potential as the great minds and artists who created the same.
‘Twas a mind that created your favorite art work. And you are very lucky that your mind allows you to share in that joy and human wonder.

My daughter was coming over this afternoon and I thought to put on some music for her. At home, we have about 20 CDs pulled out, many of them obscure and out-of-print. I chose the very uncommon, rare Oscar Peterson Xmas album and the first cut comes on: “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”. I decide to go out and get coffees from Tim’s. On the way back, I try about 10 car AM/FM channels, looking for some Christmas music. I hear something jazzy and leave the improv instrumental section on. Suddenly the string bassist starts playing the melody of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”. Oscar Peterson’s, further on from the beginning of the track. Continuance. Connection. Random. Arbitrary. With a whole bunch of choices I had personally made, consciously or not.

Basically, it could be said that I (or my subconscious mind) chose to play the same song. Or that I found what I was perhaps really looking for. Or that I found what I remembered. Or that the later but closely-timed, completely disparate, exterior context lined up with an earlier “starting moment”. Did I, consciously or subconsciously will the sequence and synchronicity to happen? Or was/is there something/someone separate that/who willed this episode to occur as it did? Or was it completely random happenstance that the tumblers came up the same?

It is these recurring sorts of happenings that suggest a somewhat coherent world of mystery and mysterious experience. It is also a somewhat delightful, surprising occurrence for a conscious mind to see a pattern, to see there is a World of Wonders, for us to behold, if only we are or can be aware and truly conscious of (attuned and in contact with) the meaningful, possibly purposeful flow of our experience.

(Highly recommended book and movie)

……………………..

a big deal in itself–mental /mind intactness (including consciousness, awareness, common sense, reason, memory, imagination, sensibility, as well as ability to create, problem-solve, and critically think) is probably even more important. Recall Hamlet’s “I could be bounded in a nutshell” meeting Whitman’s “I am large… I contain multitudes”.

‘Tis the mind and sensibility that truly define and determine the quality of one’s life, quite apart from physical health, deeds, and action.

Think The Diving Bell and the Butterfly–the totally paralyzed French journalist who was able to peck out, with one eye’s movement no less, the story of his life and changes following his tragic accident. The mind can override and transcend any debilitating physical condition.

As long as the mind is actively unimpaired and still functioning, there is always the possibility for an individual person to express, communicate, and connect.

and any luck you’ve had in your day, life, etc.
It is all too easy daily to be suddenly ‘taken out’ by an injury, fall, or serious medical condition that gets out of control. Suddenly being unable to see, walk, move, etc.–the physical stuff, let alone all the mental variations stuff: loss of memory, dementia, senility, madness, etc. Maintaining your overall health and independence is numero uno at ground level.

So today, take some time to count your blessings and whatever goodness, niceness, love, and beauty you have in your life. (The Scrooge Affect.)
Appreciate that you’re still here, still intact, and you’ve got as much going for you, that people otherwise take for granted. That there are many pleasures awaiting, if you will them to be possible, or are lucky.
A great ‘starting point’ as you relax and reflect, and begin to look forward with some hopefulness for yourself (and those closest to you, if lucky or possible, too). Thus, attitude remains all.